Want to eat that chip? Better check with her before you pick it up, whilst its travelling to your mouth and after its entered your mouth – at any moment the decision could be made that it is wanted and a small fat hand reaches into your mouth to retrieve it, accompanied by screaming at all full lung capacity. Want to eat the same thing as her but from your own plate? Outrageous! All dinner is property of the toddler! Handling by, forking and throwing of the food are perfectly acceptable ways for the toddler to treat food that is hers. Don’t eat it, god forbid! That’s HER food. Feel like leaving the house? All transport options for the toddler must involve being hand carried in soft accommodating hands. Do not think of transporting her in one of those torture devices they call prams or car seats. The toddler can contort her body to escape even the most restrictive of straps. Standing up whilst in the pram and screaming is a unique talent of the toddler.
Contravening these rules will invoke a sentence of high-pitched screaming, kicking, biting, pinching and bellows of ‘no’s’ for a minimum of 30 minutes, but it could be up to 2 hours.
Tread carefully my friend, very very carefully….